Pregnancy and Why You Shouldn't Worry About It

I was reading this post today and thinking sheesh, lighten up already. When I was pregnant the first time, I felt very much this way - I felt like all I could focus on was the pregnancy, I was so worried and involved with the pregnancy, the pregnancy, the pregnancy. It was so stupid! I used to actually say out loud that I never worried about the actual baby, I never thought past the delivery. Then my son was born and was a colicky mess and I was completely ill prepared. I was prepared, however, to deliver like 10 more kids. But you just have the one delivery per baby and it takes however long it takes but the BABY? Stays in your house! Day after day! And you should listen to people who have gone before you, and take what you can use of their advice. It's hard - women who have kids already (and I am one of them) DO have lots of advice for women who are pregnant. But I think maybe it's because we want to help, we want to be part of a Village right? The one that it takes? I hope so. I can feel it when someone is trying to help me and when someone is trying to foist their beliefs on me. I think mostly women are sticking together and helping one another through this crazy-ass journey that we are all on. Very few women are involved in this Mommy War bullshit, as far as I'm concerned. So lighten up, pregnant woman, and start asking moms who have gone before you what kind of freaking pillow they liked.

Nine

I am stealing from a Constance (the thirteenth?) and going to say nine things about me. It will have to be fast as Kathleen is napping her fifth nap of the day, they are short naps, taken often and they are driving me MAD. But that's not one of the things about me, that's about her! Let her get her own damned blog!

1. I sometimes forget that I am married. I don't mean that in a 'I slip off my wedding ring and go out' way, but in the way that I'm driving down the street and I think 'holy shit, I am married and have two kids! How did that happen?'

2. I am never, ever happy with my weight in the present. Now, looking back, I realize I SHOULD have been happy five years ago, but I am a dumbbell who can't appreciate a hot body when I have one.

3. The only tattoo I'd ever get is permanent eyeliner.

4. I used to smoke, but quit, but I'd like to go back and I think about it every day. Not every day, maybe, but CLOSE to every day.

5. I drive way too fast. I think about it more now because of the precious cargo.

6. I love to drink martinis and beer and red wine and ... all of it, actually. I miss it when I am pregnant and swear I'm going to drink when I'm done but then I'm nursing and so tired and I can never really drink up like I'd like. Then at some point when I can go out and I'm not nursing and I'm not driving, I drink too much and feel horrible the next day. HORRIBLE. I am hoping to avoid that this time. So far, so good, because I really really really don't ever want to be hungover anymore. I'm too old. Which brings me to my next thing...

7...I turned 40 this year. I feel fine about it, what with 50 being the new 30 and all.

8. I used to read a book a week, when I was in NYC and commuting. Sometimes two books a week and now I am lucky to get a book read in a month. I hate that. We also can rarely watch a movie in just one night.

9. I have super long nails and fingers and big feet. I used to think I had a big head, until I met my husband and learned what a big head was really like.

Work

I was talking with some (online) friends about what we think our work is, what we like about it, don't like, etc. It occurred to me while I was writing that I consider my work to be my children and husband and our home that THIS is the problem with these unfortunately named 'Mommy Wars'. I remember Linda saying once that she was mad that someone had said that women who work outside the home are having someone else raise their kids, it raised a big discussion on her site. I admitted that I have been guilty of saying that, or something like it, before I had kids.

Once I had kids, I realized what should have been so obvious - it's so, so hard no matter how you do it. You feel guilty and bad for choices you made no matter what those choices are. I realize this now, but I guess I was too busy being an idiot who had no kids but felt she could pass judgment.

But it has bugged me ever since, and now I realize why. During our discussion the other day, some other women friends of mine who have children and work outside the home were saying what their work is - and they meant their jobs. So I was thinking, their work is really their kids, too. But if they are doing their jobs as work, and raising their kids as work, then what the hell am I doing? Slacking? God, it boggles my mind! It makes me so crazy and these are just arguments I am having with myself!

Anyway, here is what I love about my work: I love my children and my husband. I love bathing and dressing and feeding my kids. I love a job well done that has instant gratification, like folding laundry or putting the cloth diapers together. I love to have people that I love depend on me to take care of them. I love not having to get dressed nicely (or at all), I love being my own boss (and, let's face it, THE boss).

Here is what I hate: I hate how tired I get, how little time I have to myself, how long the hours are, how sick with worry I get over my children, how dirty my clothes are at the end of the day, I hate to have to depend on my husband for second hand social interaction, I hate how I am somehow failing feminism by staying home, I hate that I am still paying on my student loan for my Masters and saying "goo goo ga ga" all day with it. I hate how endless the days seem, and how hard it's going to be for me to ever get a job after these kids are in school.

But the love outweighs the hate, because I truly LOVE my work, even if I don't love my job.