Work

I was talking with some (online) friends about what we think our work is, what we like about it, don't like, etc. It occurred to me while I was writing that I consider my work to be my children and husband and our home that THIS is the problem with these unfortunately named 'Mommy Wars'. I remember Linda saying once that she was mad that someone had said that women who work outside the home are having someone else raise their kids, it raised a big discussion on her site. I admitted that I have been guilty of saying that, or something like it, before I had kids.

Once I had kids, I realized what should have been so obvious - it's so, so hard no matter how you do it. You feel guilty and bad for choices you made no matter what those choices are. I realize this now, but I guess I was too busy being an idiot who had no kids but felt she could pass judgment.

But it has bugged me ever since, and now I realize why. During our discussion the other day, some other women friends of mine who have children and work outside the home were saying what their work is - and they meant their jobs. So I was thinking, their work is really their kids, too. But if they are doing their jobs as work, and raising their kids as work, then what the hell am I doing? Slacking? God, it boggles my mind! It makes me so crazy and these are just arguments I am having with myself!

Anyway, here is what I love about my work: I love my children and my husband. I love bathing and dressing and feeding my kids. I love a job well done that has instant gratification, like folding laundry or putting the cloth diapers together. I love to have people that I love depend on me to take care of them. I love not having to get dressed nicely (or at all), I love being my own boss (and, let's face it, THE boss).

Here is what I hate: I hate how tired I get, how little time I have to myself, how long the hours are, how sick with worry I get over my children, how dirty my clothes are at the end of the day, I hate to have to depend on my husband for second hand social interaction, I hate how I am somehow failing feminism by staying home, I hate that I am still paying on my student loan for my Masters and saying "goo goo ga ga" all day with it. I hate how endless the days seem, and how hard it's going to be for me to ever get a job after these kids are in school.

But the love outweighs the hate, because I truly LOVE my work, even if I don't love my job.