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I am pregnant again. It is BLOWING my MIND. I am not young, not anything but elderly, as far as babyhaving is concerned and I'm afraid at this stage, I might even be ADVANCED elderly. Oy. I am happy, as ever, every time I see that the test says positive, but man. I am shocked! From the looks of it, it would seem like my husband and I are having sex every spare minute but really? It's not that often. We did sort of take a chance last month, in that we had sex after I had my period but before I (thought I) ovulated. I can only assume that this is what is supposed to happen. I feel very optimistic for several reasons. They are:

1. Babies! Yay!

2. Another person to meet, as my husband says.

3. There are four in my family, and I like the sound of it.

4. It is forcing me to quit some bad habits, wine, occasional cigarettes.

5. Time off when in the hospital.

6. We have a bigger house now.

But I'm worried for several reasons, too. They are:

1. I just started losing weight and feeling good about myself.

2. I am so old.

3. I keep thinking I will get back to my life someday, get a job someday, and this just postpones it for another two years or whatever.

4. I'm worried, as usual, about the higher risk of birth defects, or autism, or whatever.

I'm trying to not worry about the worries, though. I keep thinking, generally, in my life, I try to believe that I am right where I am supposed to be. That I am ready for whatever happens. So I am going to try to go with that now, when it seems more important than ever. I'm trying but failing, story of my life.