Tuesday, September 23, 2008

New Doctors and Why I Hate All of Them

So I called a new doctor's office today. I am only about six weeks pregnant but I figured I should. I had a baby, then a miscarriage, then a baby, so I don't know if they will want to see me early like they did when I was pregnant with Kathleen but I figure I better check. When I had the miscarriage, after Joseph, I was trying to go with a new doctor. My first appointment was the day after I had the miscarriage and they were so awful - even though I said I suspected I had a miscarriage (and I wasn't entirely sure plus I was hopeful, which seems dumb now) they still made me go over the billing and the freaking delivery options. Then I HATED the doctor and she made me wait like six weeks to have a D&C, it was really an awful experience and when I got pregnant with Kathleen, I ran back to my old doctor. I'm sure I thought I could avoid having another miscarriage by just going back to where I had a healthy pregnancy.

But the thing is, I hate the hospital. I hate the practice, I have to wait SOOOOO long for appointments and now, with Kathleen, this will be even harder. I had several ultrasounds with Kathleen and I had to wait like an hour for each of them. I am trying to avoid it. Also I want to go to a nicer hospital - I don't need to go to the freaking Ritz or anything but I just want to go somewhere that's a little ... cheerier. And where the rooms are a teensy bit bigger so I don't feel like when it's Todd and me and a teensy little baby that it's suffocating.

SO. I looked on my insurance for a female doctor who delivers at this nice hospital which is not close to me, necessarily, but I figure if I don't have to wait an hour for every appointment, I'll be saving time. I called today and the girl wasn't that nice. I live in the midwest, even though I am not from here, and I am forever waiting for some of this hospitality I hear so much about. The girl was kind of cold. She said the doctor's nurse will call me back to schedule an appointment and I am hoping the nurse is nicer. I mean, I don't expect anyone to say "Congratulations! Pregnant!? What a novel and amazing thing this is, here at the OB/GYN's office!" but, like, I said I needed an appointment and she said the doctor was scheduling for December. I said oh, well I'm pregnant so I don't think that would work. She said Oh, well that's different, if you're pregnant. I said sorry I didn't mention it, I can barely get my head around it myself. And she said nothing. Which is awkward. But whatever, I am just hoping the nurse is nicer and if she's not maybe the DOCTOR will be nicer.

Todd and I talked this morning about what we were nervous about. I said I was nervous about the health of the baby. I am nervous that I will have another autistic baby. Or that I will have a Down's baby. Or, you know, anything. Todd said he's been nervous about where we'll PUT the baby! I wish that was my worry. Because I already know, I am going to put the baby in the closet. We have a big walk in closet and a portable crib and I am going to get a nicer mattress for it and then put that baby in there. Kathleen will only be 17 months old so she won't be ready for a bed, I don't think, so into the closet for our Number Three.

I'm also nervous that the doctor is going to really push these damned tests on me. I don't like to get them - they're so slanted negative for someone my age, I just don't want to be put in a position where they want me to have an amnio. I'd rather not, so I like to just skip it altogether and in the past I have had some opposition from well meaning doctors on this. So I hope this doctor's not like this. But who knows? Can I be not too picky because of my advanced age? I was actually afraid that the scheduling lady was going to say "sorry, you're too old" when I said my birth date. I have a friend who could *not* find a doctor to take her because she was high risk. I hope this isn't the case with me, I'll have to go right back to my first doctor and the waiting.

But we are getting so excited! Baby Names! And I kiss Kathleen's head and I think ohhhhh. I'll have a whole nother head to kiss in just eight months.


Constance the 14,000th said...

ya gotta do what you gotta do. and the closet doesn't sound horrible. before you know it they will be able to share a room.

and worrying is so normal. try not to be too anxious.

Swistle said...

I've noticed that whenever I'm having an issue with a doctor, everyone will say, "Change doctors! You shouldn't put up with that!" But what I've found is that ALL practices have flaws---often MAJOR flaws---and that the best I can do is choose the one with the least annoying flaws.

With the tests, I'd say something about having looked into it and deciding not to take them. That makes you sound like you've done your research and have come to a firm decision. If they push you more, take the paperwork or whatever and don't go get the tests done. At your next appointment, if they ask about the tests, act puzzled and say, "Oh! But remember, we talked about this and I'm not having them done." Doctors never remember ANYTHING about previous appointments, and they'll assume they must have agreed at the time.

Maggie said...

How frustrating! I'm sorry that finding a good doctor has been rough for you. I think that it's probably harder with pregnancy, since time is a factor.

I work in OB (in the Midwest, coincidentally enough) and I can say that there are both amazing and also sucky physicians that I work with. I think that Swistle is right - every group has flaws, the best you can do is pick the one that is right for you.

As far as the tests go, I doubt that they really mean to push things on you. And you should never do something you aren't comfortable with, like an amnio. But at the same time, it's hard to be the one taking care of someone and then get a totally unexpected outcome, which might not have been so hard to deal with if it had been planned for. I totally understand not wanting the tests because they can have false positive results, but knowing what it feels like to deliver bad news to someone who totally wasn't expecting it I can also understand why they offer/recommend the tests.

Good luck to you -- I hope that you find the perfect doctor for your latest addition!

Joanne said...
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