Friday, January 11, 2008

Na na na na na na na na

Today is your birthday! Today is my little baby's birthday. It just ... until that baby is born it's so hard for me to believe it. When I was pregnant with Joseph I never could picture him. I thought so, so much about the pregnancy, and worried SO much about the pregnancy that I never thought about the actual caring and feeding of the baby. Then he when he was born and he was so bad (I know - I know it's wrong to call your baby bad and I am a terrible mother and person but trust me - he was BAD), I couldn't stop thinking about it. I have been trying to balance it out more this time, worry an appropriate amount about the pregnancy, but today it's all kerflooey.

It's early - Todd woke me up so I could eat. I have to eat by 6:00 and now, not again, until God knows when. Maybe tomorrow? I had leftover lasagna, a roll, a pop tart and a go-tart. And milk. And now I'm finished eating.

My surgery is at 2:00, which BLOWS. It's also on a Friday which BLOWS. Joseph was born on a Friday, too, so I like that, but I hate staying in the hospital on the weekend. I mean no offense to anyone that works in a hospital on the weekend, but in my last experience it seemed that the meanest nurses ever work on the weekend. But my doctor's OR day is Friday, so here I am.

Well. I am terrified but plucky. I am going to think positively that everything will be okay. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who just had a baby, and she had a LOT of complications and so she had a lot of amnios, and so she knew her baby's sex really early on, and knew when her lungs were ready, etc. I have never even had the triple screen, I kind of don't believe in them for me, except ... today? Today I believe in it all, I wish I had a freaking crystal ball and could just SEE the baby and know everything is okay. Through maybe ... 2036? 2050?

Ha - I was just thinking about high stress things. Like the list of the high stressors? Getting married, starting a new job, moving? I was thinking with this new blog, I'm having a baby, which is just like starting a new job, AND moving into my new pink apartment building. I'm still so glad to be here! I feel SO GREAT that I am going to be able to have somewhere to talk about all these people and not have to watch every freaking word. When I was so miserable with Joseph, in the early days, I would type out all this stuff like "Why does this MFer never stop crying? What have I done? WHY did Todd and I think it was a good idea to have a baby? Our lives are over! I hate this!" and then I would actual post a picture that said "Joseph had a rough night! I hope he naps today!"

OK. So Happy Birthday to Kathleen or Thomas, whoever you are.


Constance 14 said...

Hey, good luck today! I know everything will go well and soon you'll have a new little someone to cuddle! Too bad the "apt bldg" isn't for reals, or you'd have 21 willing babysitters. :)

Misty said...

Aww, this one will be better. I am using my own personal crystal ball. Oh, let's hope it doesn't have a crack in it. Good luck today!

Anonymous said...

Best of everything! I was thinking exactly what C14 said!

Jenny said...

Yay! Good luck!

Sending you happy birthing vibes and calm happy baby vibes.

Constance the Thirteenth said...

I'm a bit late to the party, so instead of good luck, I'll say Congrats! I hope it all went well!