This week my Joseph will turn three years old and my Kathleen will turn five months old. It feels longer in both cases. I have to say, I never understand when people tell me about how the time, it flies, and OMG you have to enjoy each second because the time will FLY! FLY I tell you, FLY! They will be 18 before you know it! FLYING! THE TIME! Ahhhh!
I will be married four years this summer and it feels like 20. Joseph will be three and I feel like it's been ten years since I brought him home from the hospital. I can barely remember bringing Kathleen home and I have been awake a LOT since then, it seems LONG. Who are you people for whom it's flying by?
I think your kids are older, maybe. Or maybe you're happier? Or maybe you're not home all the damned time? Because my sweet Joseph is insane, I hardly ever take him and Kathleen out together during the day, like to the store or anything. We go to playgroups and out in the backyard and that's it. I have tried to take them for walks, or to the store but it can get very ugly if he has a tantrum and anything can set him off so I just stay here, where it's safe.
Who said that the days are long but the years are short? That is the best description I've heard of life with children. At least the best so far - who knows, maybe in a few years I'll be telling strangers on the street with little kids "it goes so fast! Enjoy each day!" I hope not, but maybe. Everything else I've ever thought wouldn't happen has happened, so it may as well.
In other news, Joseph is starting at a developmental pre school soon. He'll be gone two hours a day every day. I have no idea how either of us will handle this. OH, I hope it's good for him and for me. And maybe Kathleen, who I don't get to pay much attention to. I hope he gets some help and can make some strides communication-wise. It's funny, I have thought for months that they were going to assess him as someone on the autism spectrum, but when they said it officially, and when I read it in the conference report, it made me so sad, all over again. Like they said they observed him laughing at nothing and that was a sign! And I have always just thought that was so cute - I mean, I guess it can still be cute but it's also a sign of him being autistic and now it's sort of scary to me, too. I am choosing to be optimistic about it, though, and I hope that it helps him to be in a more structured environment. It can't be good for any of us to be here, day after day, counting the minutes until bedtime.
Kathleen is getting to be much more fun, as most five month olds do. She has been kind enough to sleep for like eleven hours with only one wakeup the last three out of four nights, which goes a long way. I told my sister today, though - at this point I can't even imagine that she'll ever sleep all night. Even before she wakes up, I wake up, all milk-soaked and worried. But then I go in and she's kicking her legs and says "ha!" which almost sounds like "hi!" to me and it's so nice, I don't even mind that it's four in the morning.
In even more other news, my husband is tired too, did you know that? Did you know that sometimes he can't get back to sleep after I wake up and feed the baby? In another room? SILENTLY? And sometimes he wakes up too early. I say if you're tired and you're allowed to take Sominex or something and you choose not to? You have to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
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I remember one night when I hadn't yet been to bed and it was 2:00 in the morning and I was still up with the baby, and one of the other kids woke up and so Mike had to actually get out of bed and help for a minute. And he banged on the wall, saying, "I just! want! to SLEEP!" and I seriously felt like shoving him out into the night and locking the door. It's been nearly a year and I still can't think about it because it makes me too furious.
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