Hey! You! Listen closely because I am not going to say it again - GO TO THE BATHROOM AT WORK! Do NOT walk in the door at 5:00 (I know 5:00 is really early and I do appreciate you leaving early to get home to us) and tell me that you have to go to the bathroom. *I* haven't gone to the bathroom all day - and if I did, I did so with a baby on my lap.
Hey! When the baby is fussy and crying, and you take her from me to 'help', do NOT sit down! You have to rock her and walk with her, you have to pat her bottom and put the pacifier back in at just the right time. I haven't sat down except for the toilet that one time ALL DAY. You are NOT a construction worker! You are a professional! You sit down ALL DAY. Don't sit down as soon as you take the baby, to 'help'.
Hey! If you get up in the night to go to that damned bathroom again, do NOT shake the bed so hard that it wakes me up. I JUST got back to sleep after feeding that baby.
Hey! Do not bring home candy bars from the grocery store because they were on sale! I am dieting! Ditto on the blizzards from DQ!
Hey! When your mom calls at 9:00 on a Sunday morning and says they were thinking of coming over in an hour or so, MENTION that it might be nice to hear from them, say, the day before. To get some notice.
Hey! Stop yawning! WHY are you so tired? You go to sleep at 10:00 and sleep, uninterrupted, until 6:30. Stop it!
Hey! I really do love and appreciate you - I KNOW you are better than a lot of husbands and fathers out there. So just BEHAVE and I won't have to post any more notices like this.