There's this new movie (I think it's new) coming out - The Business of Being Born. So far the trailer has made me cry while changing Kathleen's diaper and apologizing for birthing her wrong.
The thing is - I really was interested in having a midwife and going to a birthing center. My husband was not so into it. He used to say, "Sure, why go to a hospital where they have millions of dollars of equipment and where the doctors have had years and years of education when we could go to a birthing center where someone has taken a six week course". He was kidding and exaggerating, of course, but I took his point. I was of advanced maternal age and I honestly don't know if I could have gotten anyone to take me on as a patient - they act like you're poison or something.
So I got a doula and it ended up to be such a bad experience. She was with another patient for a long time and my husband and I just ended up going to the hospital. We had no idea what was going on, it seemed like my contractions were so close together and so intense (I'm sure it was nerves contributing to that feeling) we just went to the hospital. This was a *mistake* as the rotten resident doctor immediately starting saying that I couldn't have ice chips, I needed to have a fetal monitor on at all times, etc., etc. Then Joseph never did descend after like 24 hours and they said they had to do a c-section. Did they? I don't know. But man, that baby's heart rate starts going down and I do whatever they say. I wish that the doula had come to my house when I called her so that I could have labored at home for a while and been comfortable and drunk some damned water if I wanted and walked around or bounced on my ball or rocked in my rocking chair. Then maybe I wouldn't have had Pitocin and the epidural and maybe he would have come down. But maybe not. He has a remarkably large head and even with Kathleen, the doctor had to use suction on her gigantic noggin and that was for a scheduled c-section!
But I feel bad. I wish I were 10 years younger when I had my kids and they couldn't hold my age against me. I wish I were 10 years younger now because I distinctly recall needing less sleep when I was almost 30. I wish I wish I wish.
But do all doctors do unnecessary c-sections on patients because they only take 20 minutes? I talked to my doctor about Joseph's delivery and he said see? Women say they want 'natural labor' but no one wants 'natural' labor. Unmedicated labor, maybe, but not natural. I said I thought of that - I thought what if I went to a birthing center, or tried to have Joseph at home and then he didn't descend and his heart rate dipped? What if it was 100 years ago? My doctor said he probably would have died and maybe you would have died too. I can't really type that without crying. The thought of the baby dying because I wanted to have the kind of birth experience that *I* wanted to have is too much for me to think about. But maybe it was just a scare tactic?
I don't know - I hate to be a sucker to the medical community, but aren't we all, really?