Saturday, February 23, 2008

We're going out tonight

Is that crazy? We're taking Kathleen and getting a babysitter for Joseph. Unless it's one of his grandmother's, we only get babysitters to watch Joseph after he's in bed. He's too crazy with the separation anxiety otherwise. He's too much of a handful for the teenagers we employ to put to bed. But it's my friend William's birthday and we are going to just meet him and his wife at a restaurant/bar where I used to work and have a drink and then go home. Kathleen isn't going to bed until 10:00 so I figure why not. I hope I don't regret it but I might. I usually do. But I am so sick of being in this damned house! I'm all antsy and nervous for our meeting about Joseph on Wednesday and Todd goes back to work full time this week so I'd like to go out and celebrate.

I was reading Melissa's entry on being a martyr of a mom and that is me, totally. I am so jealous of women that go back to work, women that just seem to still live their lives after they have kids. I don't want to be someone whose children encompass them entirely but the way that Joseph is and the fact that Kathleen is pretty new - I don't know how else to be. I have tried to take him to the nursery at the Y, and tried to take him to the nursery at my mom's meetings, but it's always a no go, and I am sick of the people who work there taking him to me after 15 minutes or whatever. So I stay in, I only go out when Todd can stay with the kids, and I get madder and madder about it.

God, I hope we can get somewhere with this therapy for Joseph. I would love to be able to talk to him a little bit better and be understood. If I could just say "I'm going out but I'll be back" and have him understand me! It's like a dream at this point.

Tomorrow is Kathleen's baptism and I already made the food and will bake it up tomorrow. I cleaned the house today so hopefully it won't be too tension filled tomorrow. Ugh, wish me luck.

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