Thursday, May 13, 2010


Lucy is going to be one this weekend. ONE. It has gone fast, even with her sleeping in our room. I keep thinking she will soon be old enough to share a room with Kathleen, who is almost 2.5. But it doesn't seem like anyone is ready. Lucy just started sleeping all night and now I am afraid to mess it up. She is a sweet thing, such a happy and nice baby.

I am going to wean her here soon. She has finally learned the finer points of the sippy cup, which is exciting. She is not much of an eater, but we are working on it. I'll take her next week for her one year checkup and hopefully she'll have gained. She was only 16 pounds at her 9 month appointment. I feel sad and also excited about weaning her.

Kathleen is driving me mad. I will be a SAHM for five years next year and I don't like it any better than when I started, although I recognize that there is no way I could do anything else. I couldn't have these kids and work, I can barely get out the damned door to a PARK. She is chatty and bossy and she wants to go out in the car every second of the day.

Joseph is doing well in school, and in general, but he had a period a few weeks ago where he was MISERABLE and so were we. I fought with his school because they wanted me to GIVE him TYLENOL and to TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR and there was nothing wrong with him except that he was ... really unhappy? Going through a rough period? Having a lot of tantrums? Having major sensory issues? Jeez, I don't know. That's why he is in a SPECIAL SCHOOL for KIDS WITH AUTISM, I felt like telling them. Anyways, he is better now. For now. Whenever he has such tantrums and is so miserable and unable to communicate what is hurting him, I get veryclose to panicking. I picture him bigger and older and kicking my ass, or hurting the girls. It's terrifying. But I am trying to be faithful, we are doing what we can, he is a sweet boy and I am hoping he remains so.

My mother is driving me mad. She thinks Kathleen watches too much tv. She said that she - well, it's too weird. Kathleen knows her letters and how to count to 10 and sometimes 20. She knows every color that there is, and lots of animals. She has an excellent memory and she is a good singer. I think that's pretty good for 2.5, but I don't really know, because Joseph isn't a good comparison. But my mom started saying how Kathleen "couldn't count" and "didn't know any letters" and "couldn't hold a conversation". It was INSANE. I told her that she had to leave, I told her I couldn't take it. I am worried enough, I am always looking at the younger two, worried that they are going to be autistic, and I can't have her LYING just to make her case about the freaking TV, which is NOT really watched that much. It's better now, too. But man. It's weird - she is the most overinvolved mother I know. I'm more than 40 years old! Leave me alone!

Todd is fine. He is very good, actually. I think we are, at long last, finally starting to communicate a little bit better. It's hard, I don't recommend getting married and having a baby immediately. It makes it very difficult to talk about anything but pregnancy and babies for the next several years. We are trying to not only make it work, but to be happy and enjoy our life, and that is so much more challenging than I would think.

I am doing Weight Watchers. It's been like five weeks and it's going very well, I'd say. I really like that point system. I'm also doing a fitness challenge with one of my mom's groups where we are working out for a certain amount of time per month and I like that too. I've been sick the last two days, but other than that I've been doing something like six days a week and it's great. It's great because a) I am getting activity points for WW so I can eat more and it's great because I am b) doing well in the challenge and also I can c) get away from all this for a short period of time and just think about me. Well, me and whatever bitch is leading my exercise of choice. Ha!

I guess that's it? For now?

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