What Have I Done?

Sometimes (largely when I am thinking of other people or looking at their damned blogs) I think OMG I did this all wrong! I was too damned old to get married and start having kids. I see these women who had babies after I did and they are as thin as reeds and I think what the hell? I have been pretty good, diet wise, since August and pretty good, exercise wise since then but also have been running and I am not. As thin. As a reed. Even a trunk-type reed. Well, I think I'm over 40! What do I expect? I think that I am never supposed to eat sweets or anything bad and that just ... that sounds so hard! I'm so tired, I gave up caffeine for the sleepless breastfeeder, I can never go out without getting a call that the baby is crying, etc., etc., all that and no cookies? Ever? It seems wrong. It seems like if I was 15 years younger, it would all be much easier. That and I wouldn't feel so close to death.