Taken from Melissa.
I would never:
Hit my children. I would want to sometimes, like when I'm hit in the face, but I would never act on it. I would also never leave my children. Again with the want, but never with the act.
I always:
Forget how little they are. Sometimes when one or both of them are making me crazy, I picture them saying "help me, I'm just a little baby", because I forget. I used to spend my whole days with adults that needed me (I worked in computers, in support) and I forget that these little people that I now spend my days with need me and CAN'T do anything else. I also always cry. I used to be a crier but I am so, so much worse now. Today I hugged them both at the same time, which I've never done before, and I looked at both their faces and WAAH, started to cry.
I got an easy ride when it came to:
their health. I have two big, healthy children. They have never had ear infections, never more than a cold or a little teensy stomach bug. I also got an easy ride when it came to husbands because if I didn't have Todd's support I would be so, so hosed.
The part I dislike most about parenting is:
I dislike not knowing what to do a lot of the time. I dislike sleep training. I dislike shrieking. I dislike being so tired all the time. I dislike picking things up hundreds of time a day. I dislike how weak I am most of the time. I dislike feeling like I never get any better at this job.
The part I love most about parenting is:
Oh I do love them so, I love that part. I love bathing them and taking care of them. I love that they are people that came out of me and they are going to grow up and be my son and daughter forever. I love our family. I love that I truly love my work, that has never happened to me before and it never will again, I bet.
My terrible parenting secret is:
I don't keep many secrets, I bitch and moan a LOT. I sometimes think of how happy I was before I had kids. I'm ashamed of how mad and out of control I feel sometimes. I hate to feel so weak and helpless.
I would describe my approach to discipline as:
Hmm. Well let me say this and I don't want to offend anyone. I don't really respect my children. I mean, I respect them as human beings and, actually, as children of God (to be all religious) but I don't respect a three year old's opinion on things. And I really don't respect the five month old's opinion. I want them to know that I am in charge, a dictator, but a benevolent one. I love them and everything I do comes from that. So if I want them to go to bed, or take a nap when they're tired, or not hit me or their friends, I come from a loving place with that. I hope.
My worst parenting habit:
God, I don't know. Complaining. Not realizing how great I have it.
The one thing I am really proud of is:
That I have worked so well with Joseph. He is a very, very challenging person to be around for five minutes, let alone three years. He is my first and I knew nothing, I just thought that's maybe how all kids were. He is a special needs person and I am not a special needs educator, but I have had to become one very quickly and I think I am doing okay. I'm also proud that we didn't get all hung up on the label of 'special education' or 'autism' or whatever. We just want to help him, however that help comes.
I probably am too lenient when it comes to:
Food. I can't have fights over food.
I hope my kids inherit my:
husband's brains. I am smart but he is smarter. I hope they inherit my sense of humor, or rather the sense of humor that I used to have before I became such an old hag.
I hope my kids don’t inherit my:
horrible lack of patience. Struggles with weight. Tendency to be mean.
I love that my kids are:
so beautiful. I feel like it goes a long way with me. On days where everything is falling apart, I think at least they're so, so cute.
The thing I miss most about my pre-mom days is:
Sleeping. Being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Being able to think of the word for things whenever I wanted. Putting me and my husband first. Going out to dinner. Staying up later and knowing I could sleep in. Not feeling so much pressure all the time. Not thinking about sleep all the time.
Motherhood is:
Not for the weak.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Three years and Five Months
This week my Joseph will turn three years old and my Kathleen will turn five months old. It feels longer in both cases. I have to say, I never understand when people tell me about how the time, it flies, and OMG you have to enjoy each second because the time will FLY! FLY I tell you, FLY! They will be 18 before you know it! FLYING! THE TIME! Ahhhh!
I will be married four years this summer and it feels like 20. Joseph will be three and I feel like it's been ten years since I brought him home from the hospital. I can barely remember bringing Kathleen home and I have been awake a LOT since then, it seems LONG. Who are you people for whom it's flying by?
I think your kids are older, maybe. Or maybe you're happier? Or maybe you're not home all the damned time? Because my sweet Joseph is insane, I hardly ever take him and Kathleen out together during the day, like to the store or anything. We go to playgroups and out in the backyard and that's it. I have tried to take them for walks, or to the store but it can get very ugly if he has a tantrum and anything can set him off so I just stay here, where it's safe.
Who said that the days are long but the years are short? That is the best description I've heard of life with children. At least the best so far - who knows, maybe in a few years I'll be telling strangers on the street with little kids "it goes so fast! Enjoy each day!" I hope not, but maybe. Everything else I've ever thought wouldn't happen has happened, so it may as well.
In other news, Joseph is starting at a developmental pre school soon. He'll be gone two hours a day every day. I have no idea how either of us will handle this. OH, I hope it's good for him and for me. And maybe Kathleen, who I don't get to pay much attention to. I hope he gets some help and can make some strides communication-wise. It's funny, I have thought for months that they were going to assess him as someone on the autism spectrum, but when they said it officially, and when I read it in the conference report, it made me so sad, all over again. Like they said they observed him laughing at nothing and that was a sign! And I have always just thought that was so cute - I mean, I guess it can still be cute but it's also a sign of him being autistic and now it's sort of scary to me, too. I am choosing to be optimistic about it, though, and I hope that it helps him to be in a more structured environment. It can't be good for any of us to be here, day after day, counting the minutes until bedtime.
Kathleen is getting to be much more fun, as most five month olds do. She has been kind enough to sleep for like eleven hours with only one wakeup the last three out of four nights, which goes a long way. I told my sister today, though - at this point I can't even imagine that she'll ever sleep all night. Even before she wakes up, I wake up, all milk-soaked and worried. But then I go in and she's kicking her legs and says "ha!" which almost sounds like "hi!" to me and it's so nice, I don't even mind that it's four in the morning.
In even more other news, my husband is tired too, did you know that? Did you know that sometimes he can't get back to sleep after I wake up and feed the baby? In another room? SILENTLY? And sometimes he wakes up too early. I say if you're tired and you're allowed to take Sominex or something and you choose not to? You have to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
I will be married four years this summer and it feels like 20. Joseph will be three and I feel like it's been ten years since I brought him home from the hospital. I can barely remember bringing Kathleen home and I have been awake a LOT since then, it seems LONG. Who are you people for whom it's flying by?
I think your kids are older, maybe. Or maybe you're happier? Or maybe you're not home all the damned time? Because my sweet Joseph is insane, I hardly ever take him and Kathleen out together during the day, like to the store or anything. We go to playgroups and out in the backyard and that's it. I have tried to take them for walks, or to the store but it can get very ugly if he has a tantrum and anything can set him off so I just stay here, where it's safe.
Who said that the days are long but the years are short? That is the best description I've heard of life with children. At least the best so far - who knows, maybe in a few years I'll be telling strangers on the street with little kids "it goes so fast! Enjoy each day!" I hope not, but maybe. Everything else I've ever thought wouldn't happen has happened, so it may as well.
In other news, Joseph is starting at a developmental pre school soon. He'll be gone two hours a day every day. I have no idea how either of us will handle this. OH, I hope it's good for him and for me. And maybe Kathleen, who I don't get to pay much attention to. I hope he gets some help and can make some strides communication-wise. It's funny, I have thought for months that they were going to assess him as someone on the autism spectrum, but when they said it officially, and when I read it in the conference report, it made me so sad, all over again. Like they said they observed him laughing at nothing and that was a sign! And I have always just thought that was so cute - I mean, I guess it can still be cute but it's also a sign of him being autistic and now it's sort of scary to me, too. I am choosing to be optimistic about it, though, and I hope that it helps him to be in a more structured environment. It can't be good for any of us to be here, day after day, counting the minutes until bedtime.
Kathleen is getting to be much more fun, as most five month olds do. She has been kind enough to sleep for like eleven hours with only one wakeup the last three out of four nights, which goes a long way. I told my sister today, though - at this point I can't even imagine that she'll ever sleep all night. Even before she wakes up, I wake up, all milk-soaked and worried. But then I go in and she's kicking her legs and says "ha!" which almost sounds like "hi!" to me and it's so nice, I don't even mind that it's four in the morning.
In even more other news, my husband is tired too, did you know that? Did you know that sometimes he can't get back to sleep after I wake up and feed the baby? In another room? SILENTLY? And sometimes he wakes up too early. I say if you're tired and you're allowed to take Sominex or something and you choose not to? You have to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
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